Life is filled with “Tomorrows.” Some of them are bigger than others. Today, I’m on the brink of one such ‘tomorrow’. I don’t know what it will bring, but looking back on all that’s brought me here, I find myself overwhelmed with various emotions. Excitement. Fear. Sadness. Joy. But most of all, I find I have peace about whatever is going to happen because God has been and continues to be good.
It continues to baffle my mind (and maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be) how God has worked all things out. Nothing happens the way I expect it to, but it still works out. Maybe that is just part of the mystery of serving an all-knowing and all-powerful Savior.
When I started to think about going back to school I wasn’t prepared for all that would happen. I hadn’t yet told my parents; I knew what they‘d say, and I wasn’t ready to answer the questions or give all the details. I spent time praying about what I wanted to study (I had a general idea – something with animals – preferably horses), researching schools and programs, and going over money matters. A couple months went by and I finally was ready to talk; I planned on having a sit-down conversation. Knowing my family, I would have to actually schedule something with my parents so we could make sure both were in the room and paying attention to the topic. (That’s how it goes when it’s a busy house and everybody has something to do, or say, or needs this or that done…best to just ‘schedule’ it.) So I mentally scheduled a date to “Have A Talk.”
And then Dad had a heart-attack. (Or so we thought at the time.) It was December, the week before Christmas. My sister and brother-in-law were in town at the time. Pretty much everything flew out of my head except for worry for my Dad. Dad was in the hospital two time within 10 days. When he was released the day before Christmas Eve, I didn’t really care about anything except that he was alive and going to be ok. And I suddenly realized (yeah, big epiphany coming up here…) that life is very short. And you never know when you want to tell someone something until it’s too late. I realized that for all my scheduling I just needed to get it out – just say it. Stop worrying about the “perfect time.”
The perfect time for me came on Christmas morning. Everyone was still at the breakfast table and Dad and I happened to both be in the kitchen getting something.
“Dad.” I said. “I want to go back to school.”
I braced myself for his reaction, pretty sure it was going to be something like “Well, let’s think about this…is this a good idea?” (Not really painting a good picture of my father here, but I really didn’t know how approving he’d be of this idea…especially of the field of study I was considering.) Oh ye of little faith…
His actual reaction: “Really? Good for you!”
Me: “Well, I’ve…wait….huh?”
Him: “Have you thought about what you want to study?”
Me *mentally*: “Here we go…”
Me *out loud*: “Yes. I want to study in the science field – something with large animals. Specifically horses if I can. I’m thinking maybe a veterinarian technician.”
Him: “Really! That’s great! I’m proud of you!”
Let’s just say, this was not the reaction I had been prepared for. I didn’t have very much faith in the loving goodness of my earthly father, much less in the goodness of my Heavenly Father. Like I said – oh ye of little faith!
The following weeks were another testament to me of how much He loves me. Dad sent out emails to former classmates who worked in various schools in their administration departments, asking for their help and input for me. And then he landed the big one.
(To be continued…)